James Potter's Very Important Lisp
by calvinandblobbes
Summary: James has a lisp. He won't stop complaining about it, Sirius won't stop laughing at him, Remus is starting to get frustrated, and Peter is only trying to help.


Author's note: I hope James is understandable, I tried to write 'sth' or 'ths' in words where you might not otherwise know what I'm trying to write, so I hope it's not confusing, and easy to read.

* * *

"My lithp hath gotten worthe, hathn't it? Thirius, don't laugh, you dog!"

"Don't worry about him, James, you know he's a prat. It wouldn't have come to this if you had kept up practicing with Professor Bertrude, I reckon."

"But it took thso long! I wath there every Friday for an hour and a half and it did nothing, remember? I'm not doing that again, thank you very much, Moony."

"Your lisp wasn't as prominent, though. Have you even been practicing like she told you? If you're not going to attend, at least practice if it's bothering you. It did you wonders." Remus rebutted, but it was really out of the kindness of his heart. Really, he wasn't getting annoyed at James complaining about his lisp and Sirius guffawing like an idiot whenever James was mad. Sirius wasn't helping matters, either, continuing to laugh in the background and the sound was really starting to distract Remus.

"James, it _was _a lot better. Why'd you stop? Practicing, I mean," Peter added hurriedly after James looked at him in annoyance as if Peter had already forgotten that he told them that he was couldn't be bothered attending the sessions, gaining a bit more confidence at the nod of affirmation from Remus, although James looked cross now.

"Who can be bothered? I do have a life, you know. It won't cure it, anyway. Bertrude juthst wantsth to wathste my time, I bet thse gets off on it," James sat down on his bed and side eyed Sirius who had taken a break from the room and gone to the bathroom. He crossed his arms, and although he was a tad uncomfortable, he kept his arms tensed as Remus' eyes flickered to them. Good, let them know he was mad. "Now Evansth will think I'm a baby. I thound like one."

"I'm sure she doesn't think that. But seriously, James, I read that practicing does help, really. I'm sure Bertrude doesn't isn't getting off on your lisp, and I think Evans doesn't mind it at all. Has she ever said anything about it?" Remus' tone was getting firmer, and if only James could get it into that thick head of his that it really helps, Remus could probably make it on time to the student he was tutoring. The swotty git got mad whenever Remus was a minute late and Remus would rather not deal with them droning on about it.

Peter got a box of chocolates from his trunk and offered some to James, who waved his hand in dismissal, and then went to Remus, who got two gratefully and thanked him. Sirius walked out of the bathroom with his face all wet and water marks all over his shirt cuffs and trousers, and as soon as he eyed the chocolates, he walked right over to Peter, requesting to read the back of the box so he could pick his favourites.

James remained sulking, although he really was berating himself over it. He probably should continue the sessions, but it was always the same thing, and Snape didn't help with it, either. The slimy git commented on it every chance he got, and James still got riled whenever he mentioned it, often resorting to physical fights in the middle of a hallway, which did zilch to quench the hurt of being insulted, but much to be able to punch Snape in his gigantic nose and watch him walk away with what seemed a running tap of blood afterwards.

"Doesthn't matter if thse hathn't thaid anything about it, Evansth too nice, probably. Thisth isth a bloody nightmare!" James wailed, finally throwing himself back onto his pillows and turning his face into them, covering his head with his forearm so no light could bother him. Although he really was craving a bit of chocolate now.

Peter had given up the box to Sirius - who took his time picking out six different flavors sat on his bed - and started his daily check up on one of his new plants. He was near obsessed with them, always checking their leaves and buying equipment to make certain that they wouldn't die, and he was pretty good at not letting them do that.

"I can help you practise, mate. Practice something interesting. Say 'Pete's mum buys Peter pink girly knickers he charms red," Sirius said as Peter let out a wail of protest, and James smiled while Remus chuckled. Sirius deflected a hex by Peter, who wasn't really mad. By now he was used to Sirius' jabs, and he knew he didn't mean it, and Sirius looked way too happy to be mad at. Plus, Sirius would get annoyed and offensive straight away, moaning about Peter not being able to take a joke.

James uncovered his arm and turned towards Sirius, reminding himself to place his tongue behind his teeth when pronouncing certain letters, and began "Pete'th mum buysth him pink girly knickerth- knickers," Sirius beamed at him, and James laughed, excited at the fact that he made his lisp a bit less prominent, and finished loudly "that he charms red!" James and Sirius both started laughing instantly, and James' tone made Sirius laugh so hard his stomach started to all four of them laughing together, Peter was thankful for the vibe that came off the other marauders, and he took a quick moment to savor the mood. Remus was glad that James was staring to feel less conscious of his speech and he collected his books and watched James and Sirius, swearing that he'd try and help James a bit more this time round. Although James' lisp was still there, it was a much better improvement from before, and James thanked Professor Bertrude in his mind for all the tips she had given him and made a mental note not to bad mouth her again.


End file.
